Positive Vibes Please

Well back to work in 4 days. I will be working Monday, Wednesday and Fridays for a few weeks, maybe until after my second surgery the second week in March. I think this will work out great, as I will have Tuesday to rest after Monday, Thursday to rest after Wednesday and the weekend to rest after Friday. I am still tired, but like my mom always said, I just have "tired blood".
I have noticed that some of my friends do not email or call of late. I just hope they do not feel awkward talking to someone with ‘CANCER’. I remember back in the day when you didn’t discuss the C word. I remember that people actually thought they could catch Cancer from someone. Thankfully, we have been educated over the years and know this not to be true. However, I do find that people tend to avoid you once they find out you have cancer.
I understand. You really do not know what to say. I know you feel bad, you want to cry and feel sorry for me, but that is not what I want or need. I need my family and my friends. I need everyone that loves me to be positive about my health, that after this next surgery, the cancer will be gone, for good!
I really believe in the vibes of positive thoughts and prayers. So please keep the positive coming my way!!

Smoker?

I am a former smoker. Yep, quit September 21, 2007. Do I miss it, sure do! I miss it more some days than others. I understand now how a drug addict or alcoholic feels.
I started smoking when I was 16. I use to steal my brother’s Camels (sorry Chuck if your reading this).
I remember in High School we had a smokin area. Hard to believe now, but very true. All the cool kids hung out in the smokin area during breaks and lunch. I guess I wanted to be one of those cool kids.
As I became older, it became a habit, and a way for me to cope with stress. Smoking also became social, everyone I hung out with smoked. We would hang out and smoke.
And so the years passed, one puff at a time and then BANG I found out I have cancer.
I attended the "Quit Smoking Class" at Kaiser. I had to go in order to receive the patches at my prescription rate. I really didn’t pay much attention to the instructor. I had heard it all before. I knew smoking was not good for you. Everyone that smokes knows that. But…it is never YOU that is diagnosed cancer, it is always someone else. I still left the class and lit up in the car. (I was too afraid that the instructor might see me smoke so I waited until I was in the safety of my car) The next day I filled my prescription for the patch but didn’t even put one on for another week. I kept making excuses. I wasn’t ready, I was under way too much stress, especially now with having cancer and all.
Finally on September 21, 2007, I woke up that morning and slapped one of those nicotine patches on. Never touched a cigarette after that. I only wore the patch for a week because for one, I had some really strange dreams, and two the patch made me sick to my stomach. So off they came, and I still did not pick up a smoke.
I am not going to lie, but it was hard, really hard. I grieved for the smoker part of myself, if that makes any sense at all. I had to change every single thing I did. I did not get up at the same time as when I smoked, because I needed extra time in the morning to make sure I was able to get in a few puffs before and after my shower. Driving was hard, I smoked when I drove because I was nervous…now I chew gum.
The real reason I quit, well I felt rather stupid to be honest. I really believed that other people got cancer, not me. I could have continued on smoking and using the line that I already have cancer, so who cares now.
The only problem is that my family cares. I do too. I want to be around for them and I want to grow old with them. I am closer now than ever before to doing just that, growing really, really old.
If your reading this and you smoke, quit. No excuses just quit.
My Time to Quit

Dear Mr. President

January 25, 2008

Dear President George W. Bush ;
On behalf of other Kidney Cancer Warriors, and myself I am writing this letter to respectfully request that you proclaim
March 2008 National Kidney Cancer Awareness Month.

I had never heard of Kidney Cancer until I was diagnosed in August of 2007. I was very fortunate, as my renal tumor was an incidental finding due to an ultra sound that was performed. I had no symptoms, and if I did, I would not have known what to look for or when to seek medical treatment. For healthy individuals undergoing a normal medical exam, there is currently no screening test such as a blood or urine test, available for kidney cancer. However, in some countries like Japan, ultrasounds are part of their regular annual check-ups. Ultrasound are inexpensive, non-invasive, and emits no radiation and is very efficient in diagnosing kidney cancers that are limited to the kidney and an ultrasound test can also help diagnose primary tumors in other internal organs as well.
Kidney Cancer is a brutal disease and there are few symptoms until it has spread outside the kidney.
The American Cancer Society estimates that 51, 190 men and women were diagnosed with Kidney Cancer in 2007 and that 12,890 men and women will have died from Kidney Cancer in 2007. This represents an incidence rate for Kidney Cancer that has increased at the rate of 4% per year for men and 3% per year for women. Currently, there is no cure for Kidney Cancer.
We as Americans, need to bring AWARENESS and EDUCATION about Kidney Cancer, and in doing so, it would save lives. Americans need to know the symptoms of Kidney Cancer and when to seek medical treatment. We need to work towards having an ultrasound test as routine as a mammogram in our annual check ups.
We can make a difference, together.
Please proclaim March 2008 National Kidney Cancer Awareness Month.


Respectfully,
The Irritable Middle Age Woman with Cancer
email me at: irritablewoman@gmail.com

Plain and Simple

I have decided that sometimes life sucks . Plain and simple.
I admit that in the past few months, I have had my own little pity parties. I cry and feel really sorry for myself. Then I feel better. I had a pity party this weekend and now I am back to my normal self.
My urologist gave me a rang today, on Sunday no less. They, the Urology Department had their pow-wow about me on Thursday, and they recommend that I have my left kidney removed just to make sure all the cancer is gone. (I did not think it would take an entire department to figure that out but hey) So, just as I wrote last week, I will have the entire left kidney removed in mid March.
Now about...
The picture….some have emailed remarking about what a cute picture. Every picture has a story….this is my kindergarten picture. My dear mother decided that she wanted me to have curly hair for my very first school picture. I remember as if it was yesterday, the awful smell in the beauty parlor, the pulling of my hair, the hair dryer, the watery eyes,all for curly hair. I am not sure what motivated my mother and her desire for me to have curly hair but I have always thought it was so I would look like Shirley Temple. I remember the dress too. It made me itch. I hated dresses. I could not understand why anyone would want to wear one. I always wore shorts underneath.
When you look at the picture, look beyond the curly hair and the itchy dress…look close and you will see a little girl that wants to be outside, digging in the dirt, talking to the trees and the bugs, with no worries in the world. I close my eyes and I am that little girl, for a moment with no worries. Life is good sometimes. Actually more times than not.

Another update

Well saw the doctor yesterday. They removed my staples, kind of hurt a bit, I saved them per Strat's request.
I have Renal Cell Carcinoma , Stage 1 Grade 4 with Rhabdoid features. (for more info on Rhaboid tumor go to: http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic3012.htm )
A Rhabdoid Tumor is very rare and is one of the most aggressive cancer tumors. If you read the article, Rhabdoid tumors are usually only found in very young children. It is extremely rare that an adult is diagnosed with this form of cancer.
The pathologist has determined that the surgeons did not remove all the cancer cells. My urologist and her department will be having a meeting on Thursday to determine the course to take concerning me. I have a few options, one - have them remove my entire kidney or two - have them take another slice of my kidney. I have decided to remove the entire kidney so there is no possibility of not "getting it all". One catch...the cancer may appear in my good kidney and if that happens, I will need a kidney transplant....so Andy...stay healthy.
So the plan as of now is to have my left kidney removed when I have my hysterectomy in the middle of March, all at the same time (in Manteca again). I guess they are just going to follow the same incision as last time for the removal of my kidney...heck they should have just put a zipper in.

Please do not worry, my heart tells me I will be fine.

My Hospital Stay

Ok, so I have "stayed" at the hospital a total of 4 times my entire life. 3 of those times were for the birth of my boys, and one time for having my appendix out at a young age. At 5, I basically remember eating lots of jello and receiving an-etch a sketch along with fluffy slippers.
This time, I received excellent care, however not a great experience.
I received a call at 8 a.m. the day of my surgery asking me to come earlier than my initial 11:30 a.m. check in time as my surgery time had changed from 1:30 p.m. to before noon. Ok, Gary and I rushed to take showers, load my bag and get on the road. We arrived at 10:00 a.m. and waited, and waited…..I was finally brought back to pre op at 11: 00 a.m. I tried to be very patient, but towards the end I was getting a irritated, especially when I kept watching a doctor walk back and forth in front of the 4 beds in pre op staging. I wondered why he kept going back and forth, and I was waiting for the anesthesiologist to give his talk to me. Well, the doctor walking back and forth was MY anesthesiologist, but he was looking for an 81 year old gentlemen, not a 45 year old lady! I guess they had moved the 81 year old gentlemen back in the surgery time to move me ahead and failed to tell the anesthesiologist. At least he finally found me. A very nice doctor. Your anesthesiologist needs to be a great doctor and your bestest friend.I finally went into surgery a bit after 1:30 p.m. The exact time I was originally scheduled.
Fast-forward about 5 hours and I am in the recovery room. There are NO rooms available. I am by now awake but nodding in and out and I hear talk of placing me in ICU until a room is available. I remember thinking my hubby is going to freak out if they tell him they are placing me in ICU. They went out to tell him and he told me later his first thought was they were not telling him the truth, that there was something wrong. Another hour passed and I asked them to let hubby come back and see me because I knew that by this time that man was probably stressing, wondering where I was. The wonderful nurses snuck him to me. By midnight (6 hours AFTER surgery) they moved me into a private room in a wing they opened up to handle the overflow of patients.( I guess ICU was off the table as an option ) I was impressed with the size, with the fact everything was new and I had a t.v.
The next morning I was up walking around, and relaxing in my private room, when one of the main honchos came in and lowered the boom on my hospital experience. I was being moved as the overflow now was contained and they were going to place patients back into the main wing. Darn. I walked with my iv pole to my new room or so I thought. I was in 1904 A for about 1 hour, when it was discovered that the t.v. connection to my bed was not working, plus I think they knew I did not want to be cramped into a shared room with the patient that was already there. She had already been through 3 roommates. I apparently was placed there as a transition. I was moved to 1902 B around 2 p.m. and musical beds had finished.
It was not a private room, it was small but I had a window to look out of. However, I did not find out until later that yes, the window was dark, it did not prevent people walking past from looking in. YIKES! My bed was facing the window and at times I would lay with my blankets off, and my legs spread open with the catheter tubing hanging out to get some air up my ugly hospital gown. I just wonder if anyone saw…how embarrassing. The window was nice during the "big" storm on Friday. I didn’t lay with the blankets off any longer though.
So, as you can see, it was not a resort, the food was ok, the accommodations rather cramp, the help was excellent but I would not recommend to anyone else. Save your frequent flyer miles for a better trip.

Update on me

Well, I am home from the hospital…made it back home on Saturday January 5. Yahoo! There is definitely no place like home.
I have an incision about 12 inches in length, on my left from about under my rib cage to the middle of my abdomen. I am stapled together. Looks kind of gross. They had a drainage tube inside me and boy did that feel funky and hurt when they pulled that puppy out. While the doctor was taking out the chunk of cancer, she looked around and found no other "suspicious looking" masses. I am 90 % cured. I did however loose about 550 cc of blood and my hemoglobin or whatever it is, reached a low of 7.7 and normally it should be 11 or higher. They were talking blood transfusion, but by noon on Saturday, my blood count had elevated to 8.1 so it was improving and I was able to escape.
I want to thank my family and friends for their prayers. I really and truly believe the prayers worked, as I was walking the hospital hallways by 10 a.m. the morning after my surgery. I actually feel better than I did BEFORE I went into the hospital. And I lost all that blood too! Amazing.
I feel blessed, I really do.